self identity

Being Me Fully (Happy Pride!)

For the longest time, I thought that because I married a man and had babies, I couldn’t be bi/pansexual.


When I first met my husband-to-be as a wee 22 year old, I hadn’t yet claimed queerness as a part of my identity. I’d been on dates with other women and had engaged in plenty of fantasies involving women, men, and enbies, but it took decades to work through the shame United Baptism had left inside of me surrounding my sexual identity and expression. Once I let go of that shame and accepted my sexual desires, I still felt like an imposter. How could I be queer if I hadn’t had sex with a woman? How could I truly be pan if I’d married a man?

Turns out I was repressed, oppressed, disconnected from myself, and completely confused about what queer even means.

The past two years have been transformative for me. My sister began her journey with transitioning, inspiring me to more fully embrace my own queer side. I also realized that I don’t need to sleep with anyone to prove my sexuality. And Covidlife made me realize how so very wrong America is in basically every way possible, especially as it relates to sexual identity and gender roles. A white supremacist, heteronormative, capitalist, imperialist, war-mongering, oligarch-worshipping patriarchy? Yeah, not surprised it sucks.

Instead of forcing myself to fit into one of our society’s checkboxes, I’m ready to step outside of the whole thing and live another way, focused on honesty, creativity, collaboration, collective healing, and love – for myself, for you, for all creatures, for the entire planet.

Guess what? It feels awesome to finally accept and explore my full self and to restructure my days around the philosophies I believe in, rather than the ones I was raised in and still felt chained to as an adult.

What’s also awesome is how incredibly supportive my husband has been throughout this journey. Not just supportive, but totally on board. I’m so grateful to have such a co-collaborator/conspirator in life (I think in a few past lives, too). Together, we are raising and homeschooling two kids, creating and maintaining a beautiful home, making loud rock-n-roll music, engaging in local activism. Now we get to explore my queerness together, too? I’m swooning.

Sending big love and good-sex vibes out to everyone. Happy pride, y’all!! 🌈