health

Dancing with Relapse – New Publication!

While anorexia was familiar, intoxicating, even empowering, it was also a terrifying hell I thought I’d escaped from.”

After spending a decade in therapy working to finally put my eating disorder behind me, why have I spent the past five years writing a novel about a teenage artist who develops anorexia?

My latest essay, “Dancing with Relapse,” published today on The Women Who Get Shit Done, reflects on recovery, relapse, and the risks and rewards of fictionalizing my past demons in YA novel Bone Girl. Check it out!

Bamboozled

Did you know that toothbrushes are immortal? Unlike human beings, plastic toothbrushes keep on living even underneath tons of pounds of garbage. They keep on living even inside the bellies of dead dolphins. They keep on living even as they float all the way across the ocean until they wash up on Taiwanese beaches. Then, they keep on living even after they’ve become sculptures in the sand.

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— ◊ —

The past six months have tried to end me. The life I once lived in which I wrote, mothered, taught, sang, performed, took politic action, and somehow also relaxed, has been shattered. Instead of making art, going out, or sleeping, I’ve learned firsthand about anencephaly, the gray area of sexual harassment, and municipal regulations on basement apartments. I’ve dealt with wild hormonal swings. I’ve worked my ass off for a job I was promised that ultimately didn’t exist, then found myself in an uncomfortable situation when I said no more. I’ve packed, moved, unpacked, re-packed, re-moved, and re-unpacked – all with a cat, two dogs, and a busy-bee toddler who recently dropped nap.

I’ve never felt this much rage before, and while it has cracked me open in important ways, it has also shaken me to my core. My mind has raced in circles. My muscles have morphed into a single knot of tension. And my anxiety, after eighteen years of treatment, has found a new way to express itself: my throat is clenched tight, leaving my voice strained and hoarse, my neck and teeth throbbing with each heartbeat.

— ◊ —

Did you know that bamboo is the fastest-growing plant in the word? It is also one of the sneakiest. Its roots can run underground for over twenty feet before popping up again as a new shoot, called a culm. These culms then grow up to three feet a day for the next 120 years, sending their own runners out to sprout in surprising, faraway places.

Three to five years after its initial sprouting, a culm can then be harvested and transformed into basically anything: food, medicine, toys, rugs, clothes, bikes, houses, roads, bridges. In fact, bamboo can withstand twice as much force as concrete, and can hold up to 16 tons of weight. It can also cure cancer.

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— ◊ —

Becoming a mom has turned my home into a plastic palace. I look around the living room of my new new apartment, a place I hope will last much longer than the three months we spent in our illegal new apartment, and identify eleven items that will never die.

The bathroom isn’t any better. Three toothbrushes stick out from inside a plastic cup. A plastic bin filled with plastic toys is propped precariously on the lip of the tub. I move it to the floor, out of sight, then run hot water for a bath, but as I soak my stress-induced hemorrhoids and eat the M&Ms intended to aid in my toddler’s potty regression, I can’t relax; plastic is still very much on my mind. Also on my mind: pregnant women who’ve been denied access to proper health care, immigrants who’ve been detained for going to work, animals whose homes have been destroyed by loggers. I lament my now inactive Quick Action email list, my abandoned blog, the phone calls to senators I never placed. The enormous task of surviving my day-to-day has been all consuming, and while the depths of my strength have truly amazed and buoyed me up, I also feel like a failure of an activist.

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— ◊ —

Did you know that toothbrush bristles were once made from boar hair? Of course they contained loads of unhealthy bacteria, not to mention the moral issue of how these pigs were treated before they became tooth-brushing tools, yet, because animal hair is biodegradable and nylon is not, this is the only completely decomposable option presented thus far.

There are scientists out there who have dedicated their entire careers toward dissecting the greater impact of a single bristle. I think of these people doing this work, and I feel the knot inside of me loosen a little.

— ◊ —

I’ve always approached my activism from the angle of who needs it the most, but for the first time, I’m now approaching it from the angle of what I can most reasonably do. I am not ready to jump back into the strict schedule that once worked for me, and perhaps I never will be, perhaps that life wasn’t sustainable with or without my recent crises. But either way, here I am, dealing with effects of events that, though they’ve calmed, are still very much present: an unfulfilled due date, a static career and lingering sense of violation, an unresolved case with the Department of Buildings.

I will never solve all of the world’s problems. I will never even solve all of my own problems. But as I hold my recently purchased bamboo toothbrush and move its brand new form of bristles around my teeth, I realize, I don’t have to.

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— ◊ —

You can buy your own set of bamboo toothbrushes by clicking here. And if you need some more motivation to start the long process of giving up plastic, check out Margaret Atwood’s compelling piece in the Guardian.

Sources:
Encyclopedia Britannica: Bamboo
Bamboo Facts
Bamboo Herb
Brush with Bamboo
The Bamboo Solution
15 Creative Uses of Bamboo

Photo Credits:
1. Flotsam and Jetsam by F Delventhal
2. Bamboo by Serlunar

Spreading Love

May we all live in this world happily, peacefully, joyfully, and with ease. This is what I dream for, and this is why I resist. Happy birthday and thank you, Martin Luther King Jr!

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The Well Project

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Stop scrolling through Instagram or Twitter or whatever else it is you’re doing right now and look up The Well Project instead. This amazing organization works tirelessly on a very important mission: “to change the course of the HIV/AIDS pandemic through a unique and comprehensive focus on women and girls.” They’ve helped a tremendous amount of people to seek treatment, connect with a supportive community, and become activists to end the stigma and educate others about the realities and possibilities of living with HIV/AIDS. They do this in many ways, through conferences, grassroots activism, and even story-telling via their Girl Like Me blog (we can all get behind the power of story-telling, am I right?). In a time where women and health in general are under attack, The Well Project is spreading positivity and hope, something we all need a little more of, and they currently need our financial support so that they can continue changing lives. I can personally vet for this organization, and I urge you to please donate, even if it’s just $5 or $10; everything helps.

Thank you, and for more information, please see the below email from Executive Director Krista Martel.

~

Dear friends and family,

It is that time of year, and I’m writing to let you know that we have recently launched The Well Project’s annual fundraising drive, #Give4Hope! During these tumultuous times, we’ve continued to focus on the power of hope, and the change that it can often lead to. Data show that 76 percent of women living with HIV who participated in a recent survey felt more hopeful about their future after using The Well Project’s resources. That is a remarkable and important statistic, as hope can mean a healthier outlook on living with HIV and better engagement in care and self care. Because we’re witnessing such positive changes in many of the women who use our resources, we are even more determined than ever to reach more women who could use them. 

Just in the past six months alone, we’ve added several new bloggers including a skater/surfer mom of 3 in California who was diagnosed last year, a woman from Kenya who was diagnosed while pregnant, and a school teacher from North Carolina–none of whom ever thought HIV could affect them. I invite you to read some of their stories here: http://www.thewellproject.org/aglm-categories/introductions. The positive side is that by sharing their stories, they help others know that they are not alone, as well as ensure that people realize that HIV does not discriminate, and can happen to anyone.

If you are able, please consider making a tax-deductible donation today to ensure The Well Project can continue to provide hope to our wide-reaching community, as well as to extend our reach to even more people who may need it. Please click here: https://thewellproject.networkforgood.com/projects/38597-building-hope

Thank you in advance!

Much love,
Krista
www.thewellproject.org