Funny Things I Said When I First Found Out I Was Pregnant

Ah, the assumptions I made before the joys of the first trimester kicked in…

“I’ll definitely continue biking to work every day. A 45-minute ride is such a refreshing way to wake up.” No, no it’s not. The one and only time I tried this, I left the bike at work and picked it up in the car the next day.

“How cool, almonds are a natural way to get rid of headaches!” How cool, they don’t work. Much like Tylenol.

“I’m not going to worry about a miscarriage. Instead, I’m going to enjoy every minute of this experience.” Does Google-ing miscarriage statistics every day count as worrying? I needed something to take my mind off of those throbbing headaches and steady nausea (“morning” sickness my ass).

“Since I won’t be going out so much, I’ll be able to fit in so much writing.” I really was able fit in so much writingsleeping.

image“Will I miss having my period?” Ha! This is one of the few perks.

“Waiting up for Dave to get home from work at one a.m. won’t be a problem.” More like, falling asleep by nine p.m. on a Saturday night won’t be a problem.

“The acne can’t be that bad.” At least pregnancy is more fun than puberty.

“I don’t think I’ll have much trouble getting a full night’s rest – I’m a really good sleeper.” Wasn’t anticipating so many vivid dreams, nor the fact that even though the baby is so tiny there’s no way it’s pressing on your bladder, you really do have to pee at least once a night. Damn hormones.

“Working a double every Tuesday will be totally fine.” Right. Totally fine as in, I was so tired one day I actually cried on the train that was taking me from job #1 to job #2.

“Having a secret will be fun.” Or torturous! It’s thrilling to finally share the news.

Good riddance, first trimester!

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